A Pamphlet Preserved From The Great Exhibition Of The Works Of Industry Of All Nations

—Daniel Finkel

Dear citizens of the world:

This first of May set aside your industry

Spring from your houses

Snatch train tickets to London out of the air

And come and join the palaver of nations

Held in the Great Shalimar

A palace of crystal

Designed for your pure bedazzlement

By the unsurpassed cunning and superior minds

Of Paxton and Fox.

 

The crowds!

The sights!

The spices!

See the conglomeration of continents

Crammed into a single gallery.

Rub shoulders with

Dickens, Tennyson, and Darwin

Visit the world’s largest diamond

Mingle among urns of malachite as tall as elephants

Enjoy the revelatory music of Sir George Smart

Catch a glimpse of the royal family

And if this is not inducement enough

Observe the stampede of the ages

In all the marvels and miracles of the modern era.

 

A telegraph that spans the country!

A hammer powered by steam!

A barometer that predicts the likelihood of storms

Based upon the agitation and

Electromagnetic sensitivity of leeches!

And for the horologically inclined

Look no further than the chimed assortment

Of pendulums, bells, clocks, watches,

And other timepieces of import

Housed within our punctual Crystal Palace.

 

So come and donate your three guineas today

For the betterment of the British Empire

And the edification of the multitudes.

Long live Queen Victoria,

Empress of the universe!