Dear citizens of the world:
This first of May set aside your industry
Spring from your houses
Snatch train tickets to London out of the air
And come and join the palaver of nations
Held in the Great Shalimar
A palace of crystal
Designed for your pure bedazzlement
By the unsurpassed cunning and superior minds
Of Paxton and Fox.
See the conglomeration of continents
Crammed into a single gallery.
Rub shoulders with
Dickens, Tennyson, and Darwin
Visit the world’s largest diamond
Mingle among urns of malachite as tall as elephants
Enjoy the revelatory music of Sir George Smart
Catch a glimpse of the royal family
And if this is not inducement enough
Observe the stampede of the ages
In all the marvels and miracles of the modern era.
A telegraph that spans the country!
A hammer powered by steam!
A barometer that predicts the likelihood of storms
Based upon the agitation and
Electromagnetic sensitivity of leeches!
And for the horologically inclined
Look no further than the chimed assortment
Of pendulums, bells, clocks, watches,
And other timepieces of import
Housed within our punctual Crystal Palace.
So come and donate your three guineas today
For the betterment of the British Empire
And the edification of the multitudes.
Long live Queen Victoria,
Empress of the universe!